In Search of Rest
I’m sitting at my kitchen table, having just finished off a white chocolate truffle as a sugar-addict’s way of procrastinating. I don’t want to write this blog post. I feel nervous, not because I’m scared or excited, but because I feel like I don’t have anything to say.
The past year was perhaps the most productive and creative of my life. I made a book and a baby, saw them through their infancies, and took on more speaking opportunities than ever before. These things were exhilarating and fulfilling, but have left me feeling like “butter spread over too much bread.” Actually, what I really feel is…empty. Drained.
However, I want to keep writing here. Not because it’s therapeutic but because it’s purposeful. There are many times when I don’t feel a specific sense of calling, but when I’m writing is not one of them. I want to get better at writing, to continue to share, and to offer this small service to God, trusting in his promise to use his people for his purposes.
Because of this, I feel a tension in my soul. On the one hand, I want to offer something to the world. On the other hand, I am empty-handed.
Personally, I will be spending this year pursuing rest of various kinds—going to bed early, saying no more often, asking for help, and spending more time with God’s word and his presence.
Here on the blog you may see some changes, too. I will still write about godly sexuality; there are still so many things I want to share! But I’m going to shift my focus away from some other things that have become draining to me (stuff, social media, more things to do or get better at) and toward things that are more life-giving (I’m still trying to figure this part out, but basically anything that makes me feel curious or playful or real). If you have any suggestions, please let me know. :)
(Photo by Esther Lang)